It’s Labor Day Weekend, trash babies, and since my head is already drinking a margarita waiting to hit save on my out of office, I’m going to skip the usual commentary this week.

Instead, behold one sentence life advice on how to live your best life this weekend based on things that happened on the internet this week. Just call it the Ten LDW Commandments, everything you asked for. Let’s get to it.

  1. If Ashlee Simpson can address her horrible SNL situation 14 years later, you can text that boy first. 
  2. If your friend asks you to take a picture of him or her, make sure to not eff it up, or else you’ll have to redo the photoshoot.
  3. Don’t be Victoria Beckham of your squad—suck it up, act a team player, and be literally any of the other Spice Girls.
  4. Feeling low in confidence? Give yourself some street cred and introduce yourself with your new rap name
  5. Go to the club and drop it lower than one of the three Hamildrops this week.
  6. Be the most extra and dramatic version of yourself this weekend because you deserve it. 
  7. Make sure you take time for yourself and relax
  8. Ohana means family, and family means you never get left behind, even if everyone is doing the same thing
  9. Get yourself into a blankie burrito and re-read the entire Harry Potter series for free. 
  10. If you need to smile, remember that goats can recognize positive human facial expressions. 

Enjoy the long weekend! Until next time, my beautiful trash babies!