Breaking news! Have you heard?
Millennials are murderers, and this time, we’re after mayonnaise.
Just add it to the list of things we’ve ruined, TBH. We’re spending money on avocado toast instead of buying houses, making jewelers shake their heads as to why we’re opting out of getting diamond rings, not buying napkins, and now we’re deliberately after m a y o n n a i s e.
Never mind the fact that we’re actually the hardest working generation, we get paid less for more work, and we’re inheriting a country in shambles. Nah. Doesn’t matter. We’re killing this condiment once and for all. Honestly, we just lost interest when we were young because mayonnaise is not an instrument.
My favorite part about this article is this excerpt: “My son Jake, who’s 25, eats mayo. He’s a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He’s a good son. I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise.” Really? What is the correlation here? If only I was a young man so I could identify. Maybe more naturally than being a woman studying gender in college and it automatically being associated with being against the social norm, this article sparked Twitter to go crazy.
Whatever. At least we’re not eating Tide pods, jumping out of moving cars, and eating liquid nitrogen. (TBH, I’ve done the latter before, and it’s actually as cool as it looks. Just like, maybe don’t do it if you have asthma.)
Besides the most dramatic condiment in history, we survived another week, fam! And if you want to know what’s on my mind, you already know it’s this tweet. Some exciting stuff happened this week, so let’s get to it.
ALL the Disney live action news!
Disney is cranking out hella new live-action remakes of their classic animated films, including Dumbo, The Lion King, Aladdin, and more, which is so smart in so many ways. If you loved the new versions of Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella, then you’re going to want to keep an eye out for these. Here’s the latest developments from this week:
- Disney announced additional cast members for Mulan, including Yifei Liu as Mulan, Yoson An as Chen, Jimmy Wong as Ling, and Doua Moua as Po. The movie is set for release on March 27, 2020, but will be a bit different than the original. This remake will reportedly not have any actors breaking out into song and dance, meaning I won’t get to sing along to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” in the movie theater. Fine.
- This is the sitch: The teaser trailer for the Kim Possible TV movie dropped, but it’s nothing to run out of Bueno Nacho and go home about. We got our first look at Kim in action in the DCOM, but what I’m most excited about is that we maaaaay recognize a familiar voice. Our girl Christy Carlson Romano, the voice of the original KP, will make a cameo.
- I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS IN THE WORKS! Tessa Thompson is in negotiations to voice Lady in Lady and the Tramp, set to release straight to Disney’s upcoming streaming service next year. Slay, girl! She would potentially voice alongside Justin Theroux, who is set to voice the Tramp.
i’m fucking DEAD rn y’all have no idea pic.twitter.com/ELO5u5SyEF
— kate (@dunfIower) August 15, 2018
We wished Angela Kinsley was our aunt.
Angela Kinsley of The Office trolled her nephew when she saw that she was in his Tinder profile photo and called her out in her bio. She responded with an Instagram story writing, “Nephews…do not put me in your @tinder profile photos. K. Thx. Byeeeee,” reminding us all how much of a gem she is. “K. Thx. Byeeee.” is also how I sign off 95 percent of my emails. Also… Hello? James? Why are you single? HMU.
The Bat is out of the bag and I am beyond thrilled and honored. I’m also an emotional wreck.. because this is a childhood dream. This is something I would have died to have seen on TV when I was a young member of the LGBT community who never felt represented on tv and felt alone and different. Thank you everyone. Thank you god.
The Internet, yet again, ruined all the things.
Ruby Rose was cast as Batwoman last week for The CW‘s crossover event between Arrow, The Flash, and Supergirl, and potentially her own standalone series. Of course, #RecastBatwoman started trending on Twitter, with asinine complaints that Rose is not fit to play Kate Kane because she is not Jewish and is the “wrong LBGTQ actor” to play the role. Excuse me, what? The backlash against the casting was so intense that the Orange Is the New Black actress quit Twitter, signing off that she’ll be on her Bat Phone. YES. That is how you deal with the haters. This tweet from Stephen Amell, AKA the CW’s Green Arrow, gives me hope that she’s getting all the love and support she deserves.
Watching someone try on a superhero suit for the first time never gets old.
— Stephen Amell (@StephenAmell) August 14, 2018
Thrilled to be a part of the epic adventure that is #Knightfall– I've never done anything quite like this & can't wait to join the amazing ensemble cast led by the excellent @tom_cullen! #AllTheGlamourOfThe14thCentury https://t.co/CONoibaxUM
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) August 14, 2018
Ditching his lightsaber for a sword.
Mark Hamill joins the second season of Knightfall, History’s medieval drama series, and it’s suspiciously similar to what we’re used to seeing from Luke Skywalker. Hamill will play Talus, a Knight Templar veteran who will train new initiates to the Order. “The Knights Templar are considered one of the likely inspirations for George Lucas’ Jedi Knights (an early script of Star Wars referred to his guardians of the galaxy as “Jedi Templar”), so this casting brings Hamill full circle,” Entertainment Weekly reports. Do you think we’ll have lots of scenes of Hamill staring off into the distance?
These Marvel bloopers are hilarious.
Marvel Entertainment released two gag reels from Avengers: Infinity War ahead of the Blu-ray release on Tuesday (which, BTW, includes extended scenes, special features, and hopefully more bloopers). They’re each under a minute long, but brings in a lot of lightheartedness and happiness, including goats that are way too loud, heavy gusts of wind in the hair, and lots of dancing. It’s times like these when I wish I was part of something like this, and totally think I can make it as an actor. If seeing Robert Downey Jr. shimmying while singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” doesn’t make you smile, then you can’t be saved. #notsorry
Ariana Grande, unsurprisingly, continues to slay.
Intergalactic kween Ariana Grande completely took over this week with her amazing talent. Everyone is talking about dynamic duo Ariana Grande and James Cordon when she appeared on The Late Late Show with James Cordon in the infamous Carpool Karaoke segment. The duo also completely crushed a 13-song live performance celebrating Jack and Rose in Titanic. Oh, she also dropped an album today. If only I had a fraction of this talent.
A quick Hermione, living her best life✨ pic.twitter.com/I7hTUja1Jx
— Sophia ? (@peaceofseoul) August 12, 2018
This is NOT a photo.
We need to talk about this fan drawing of Hermione! Honestly, I had to do a double take because this looks like a photo of a cosplay. The artist describes this as a “quick” drawing, which makes it all even more amazing to me.
Linkin Park: I tried so hard and got so farrrrr but in the end
5th grade me: it doesn’t even matterrrrr pic.twitter.com/RpCnqds2Pt
— ??? ?????? ? (@fatherjstn) August 12, 2018
My favorite meme of the week.
I have literally never met a Mike Wazowski meme I didn’t like. My particular favorites were the Hamilton mashups, but our favorite one-eyed monster is back and inspiring memes from a blooper clip singing “She’s Out of Our Hair.” Remember when we were like 12 and were singing about 50 Cent’s candy shop, screaming about Destiny’s Child cheating anthem “Say My Name,” and apologizing for bleeding on your shirt a la “You’re So Last Summer” by Taking Back Sunday? People are pairing this very dramatic screenshot from the video with song lyrics that we probably shouldn’t have been singing as kids. My hot take:
Danity Kane: “We in the car, we ride slow, we doin’ things that the girls don’t do, the boys stare, we smile back”
5th grade me: ALL MY GIRLS IN THE RAINBOW CADILLACS, YEAH!
Also, Danity Kane is kind of reuniting, so this is relevant.
Until next time, my beautiful trash babies!