Dads: They come in all shapes and sizes. Some dads will you call you their little princess. And other dads will just never be impressed by you. at all. EVER. Dads.
TV Dads are something else. Some are lovable and goofy, and others you just really hope never have kids IRL. Actors die, but TV Dads live on forever—no one actually cares who Bob Saget is. Yet if you mention that Danny Tanner is in the room, that’s when all the fans will pull out their dust rags for autographs in a tizzy.
Note: I was very loose with my definition of what constituted as a TV Dad. Not all Dads chosen are main characters, but did in fact have a child(ren) through intercourse. You can trust me, I have a Netflix account, access to the internet, and a lot of unsolicited opinions.
1. The Dad Who’s Actually Just an Incompetent Man-Child
Some dads love their moms and live across the street from them. Some dads also complain every time their wife asks them to do something to help around the house. Some dads don’t really like their kids. Some dads are basically a giant man-baby. Some dads are Ray Barone. He has a whiny little voice that makes me cringe. He doesn’t know how to stand up to his mother. I am not sure why everybody loves him.
2. The Dad Who Had a Baby as a Result of Banging The Cat Lady in the Warehouse, but Doesn’t Know He’s Actually a Dad Because Angela Married That Senator, but Did Still Have Suspicions, Until Season 9
Is your office fling getting out of hand? Is your flingee married to a gay senator who is secretly dating the token gay hispanic who also works in your office? Do you own a farm? You might just be a Dwight-style dad. Dwight didn’t intend to have a baby. In fact, the mother of his child lied to him and showed him a fake paternity test. While The Office is just a show, if this IRL for you, we suggest Maury.
3. The Dad(s) Who Give Long Motivational Dad Speeches Set to Touching Music
I couldn’t just narrow it down to just one. Both Danny Tanner and Reverend Camden are dads who love to preach to their kids about doing the right thing or staying far, far away from those teenage boys who only want one thing. You cannot get through an episode of 7th Heaven or Full House without learning a life lesson. If you don’t give this type of dad a hug before leaving the house, he will be v sad.
4. The Zaddy?
Some dads are just really good looking and care about their children—that’s hawt. While everyone was attractive on Gossip Girl , Rufus was nice, humble, and down to earth. His children kinda sucked, but that’s okay ’cause daddy’s a DILF.
5. The Dad Whose Parenting Skills Make You Want Draw a Dick on His Face
This is Friends’ Ross. He was a better father to his pet monkey Marcel than he was to his son Ben. He didn’t really care about Ben, so much so, that he didn’t even invite his boy to his second wedding. Who doesn’t invite their kid to the wedding? Ross. When Ross finds out his Ben likes to play with a Barbie, he pushes Ben to play with a G.I. Joe action figure instead. Ross just wants things his way, and his way is garbage.
6. The Drama Queen Dad
Imagine being a virgin with a kid, and then this spicy fella is your father! Does your dad have fights with Britney Spears? Is he a diva? He might just be a Rogelio from Jane the Virgin and your life might just be a telenova.
7. The Daddy Who ISN’T THERE (!!!) and Parents Solely Through Money and Is Never on the Show Because Kids Raise Themselves, Obvi
Some dads own large hotels, but are never there to run them or take care of their daughter. Are you too important for a job or family? How is Suite Life of Zack and Cody‘s London raising herself? Who tf are you? It makes no sense how she’s raising herself? Who is “Daddy,” and why doesn’t appear on the show instead of just sending her money?
8. The Dad Who Isn’t Hot Enough to Have an Affair
Pretty Little Liars‘ Byron always angered me. Ella was always so much better than him. If you’re cheating on your wife with a student, while your daughter and are her three gal pals are trying to figure who tf local cyber bully and murderer A is, then you’re Byron.
9. The Dad Who Doesn’t Want the Best for You
Arrested Development‘s Michael Bluth Sr. doesn’t care about anything. He’s a crook. He destroyed his family and now they’re picking up the pieces while he’s behind bars. He doesn’t care what his strange kids are up to. He doesn’t love his wife. This show is just a group of people who are nothing alike. If you ruined your family’s life, you may be this guy.
10. The Dorky Disney Dad
Are you a Disney Channel dad? When your daughter gets rejected by the cute boy at school, are you going to tell her how that boy was wrong and how any guy would be lucky to have her? Are you going to tell your child they can’t go to the party, then they’ll get mad at you, and give you the silent treatment. BUT all in the span of 30 minutes, you two will makeup because you love each other? Are you just a little bit overweight, average-looking, and kinda dorky? You may be a Disney Dad.
Are you any of these dads? Let us know in the comments below!