Today, ThinkGeek announced a few new original products, including an amazing Captain Marvel Universal Pager. Dubbed “retro tech for the modern hero,” the pager is an exact replica of the one Carol Danvers gives Nick Fury in the movie. It’s powered by Bluetooth — so it works as long as it’s close to your phone — and has a handy clip.

CM Pager

The tech behind this pager seems almost too amazing to be real, … and unfortunately, it isn’t. 🙁

(April Fools!)

Yes, this pager and the other newly announced ThinkGeek products are simply the latest round of the company’s annual fake April Fool’s merch. But some of this stuff is so fantastic, we really wish it was real.

For example, check out this Thor Mighty Mjolnir Mailbox. Wouldn’t this be the perfect addition to any front yard? Nearly indestructible, it only opens for you and USPS employees and lights up when there’s mail inside. I know Chris Hemsworth would want one of these.

Mailbox

The Roomby: Kirby Robot Vacuum is both adorable and practical! Developed by “top vacuum specialists from MIT” (lol),  Kirby reacts to a variety of voice commands and makes multiple cute faces as he cleans, rests, or sleeps.

Roomby

It’s also v. sad that this Burned Bread by Banksy Toaster isn’t real because it would add some fun mystery to breakfast. Don’t worry, the toaster doesn’t shred your bread. Instead, it burns a piece of Banksy’s artwork onto your toast. However, you don’t know which print you’ll get until you use the toaster.

Banksy Toaster

This year’s other fake products include a flaming basketball hoop, a Bean Bag Onesie — heavily padded in the butt for ultimate sitting comfort — and a Motion-Controlled Mimic Package with teeth and a giant tongue to surprise would-be package thieves.

While (sadly) none of these amazing products are real, there’s always hope! ThinkGeek has made a few of its past April Fools products IRL, including the Tentacuddle Blanket and Canned Unicorn Meat. My fingers are crossed for that Captain Marvel pager.

Check out all of these products and ThinkGeek’s past April Fools merch here.

Photos: ThinkGeek