The first time I played Fortnite: Battle Royale, I didn’t know wtf was going on. I was plopped onto a field with a lame AF pickaxe and everyone was trying to shoot me. Then, suddenly, I’m flying through the sky dropping from a battle bus. Where was the instruction manual? How do I play this sh*t? And how am I supposed to call my mom for help if I have the app open on my phone and can’t dial? Why is everyone else so much better at this than me?
I didn’t know what I was doing and I felt like I was doing everything wrong. It reminded me of that whole adulthood thing I’m living/trying to make it through right now. Much like Fortnite: Battle Royale, we’re flung into adulthood spontaneously and we don’t know anything except: do ?not ?die. There’s no adulting handbook. We’re just blindly thrown into grownup life, and then we have to learn some sort of technique and strategy to keep ourselves kickin’. Being an adult is like a being a player in Fortnite: Battle Royale—you’re lost and you gotta figure out how to survive STAT. Here are 10 Fortnite scenarios your shambled self can probably relate to.
1. Waiting to match up with players is like trying to find your soulmate on the internet. You need a good wifi connection and you gotta pray they won’t try to kill you.
2. Going into a house thinking you’ll be safe, but then getting shot, is like when you’re dating someone and you find out their favorite band is Nickelback.
3. Having a pickaxe while everyone has a real weapon is like not watching Stranger Things and being in any social setting.
4. Trying to control your dude on a mobile touchscreen is like trying to walk home drunk AF.
5. Looking for new weapons but not knowing where to go is like trying to find a job that has anything to do with what you studied in college.
6. Saying you’ll only play Fortnite for a couple minutes is like saying you actually like your in-laws.
7. Seeing a username on the screen, but not being able to see what the player looks like is like trying to imagine what you’d look like if you actually went to the gym.
8. Feeling successful because you advanced in the game is like when you actually remember to drink water for once.
9. Getting to watch the person who killed you keep playing in the game, is like getting to watch your ex exhibit any kind of happiness at all.
10. Having 99 people trying to take you out at the same time is like showing up to any family function.