Hey, what’s up, hello. What, it’s not 2016 anymore?
Hello, Insiders! Welcome to the very first edition of This Week in Trash, where I, self proclaimed dumpster fire, will give you, shining emblem of never-ending radiance, a weekly roundup of news that you care about. Or, that I care about. Deeply. And am going to tell you about.
Part of being an Insider is embracing the trash that you are. According to Urban Dictionary, the No. 1 most trustworthy source (next to Wikipedia and The Onion), “being trash” is defined as, “So utterly obsessed with something that you become useless to society. Kind of like trash/garbage.”
But I don’t think you’re useless. Promise.
Trash is what encompasses all of your interests. Trash is different for everyone. Trash is what fuels your fandom. Wow, what a great tagline, I wonder who came up with it? It has everything to do with your faves (even the problematic ones), and I’m going to give you a fresh take on the week’s latest in movies, TV shows, celebs, literally a n y t h i n g trending on the internet, and more! Sometimes we’ll even talk about actual garbage, like how Fox cancelled Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Yuck.
I am trash for a lot of things, including but not limited to: The CW, Hamilton, international soccer, Disney, Star Wars—but specifically father and son Poe Dameron and BB-8—, Antoni from Queer Eye, doggos and puppers, The Bachelor and all of its glorious spinoffs, Game of Thrones, and—I’m going to stop now while I’m ahead.
Embrace it. Let’s round up the week, shall we?
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) May 15, 2018
We meet the Guardians of the Nine-Nine.
Remember when I literally just told you everything I’m trash for? This one thing encompasses THREE of them. Lin-Manuel Miranda, Mark Hamill, Seth Meyers, Sean Astin, and Guillermo del Toro are in a fanboy group chat on Twitter. I don’t even have the words to process my feelings about this. Do you think they have the secret to world peace somewhere in there? Guys—I’m @maddiemichalik on Twitter to add me to this chat. Pls respond.
Oh my God, they’re back again.
Be still, my ’90s heart! The Backstreet Boys took a break from making dad jokes on Twitter to grace us with their new single, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. This original song (although many thought it was going to be a cover) sounds like The 1975 mixed with the more mainstream songs Zedd is putting out right now, but you bet I had it on repeat my entire commute Thursday morning. It’s one of those songs that is so catchy that it gets more likable the more I listen to it.
We found out what happened to Jughead.
Riverdale’s second season finale aired on Thursday, making viewers wait only one week to find out whether Jughead is actually dead or not. After a slow-moving season, I was s h o o k when we had a super dramatic episode last week, but the season finale definitely didn’t make anyone sit on the edge of his or her seat either. It ties up all of the loose ends, which I really appreciate, and sets up the next season. Without giving too much away, we have major defining moments for our team, some new—and solidified—romances, and a new plot for season three, but sans murderers? That seems strange. Give me the juicy murder mystery! Read our full review of the episode here (but be warned of all of the spoilers)!
What do you hear?! Yanny or Laurel pic.twitter.com/jvHhCbMc8I
— Cloe Feldman (@CloeCouture) May 15, 2018
An audio version of “The Dress”
Good Lord, not this sh*t again. I first heard of this Tuesday night when a friend sent this in a Snapchat, where I heard the alien-esque “Yanny.” Then, on the radio the next morning, I heard the super Barry Manilow “Laurel.” When will the madness end? It turns out that based on the frequency/pitch/volume/whatever of the sound bite that you’re listening to, and sounds like something else to different ears. This is literally everything people talked about on Wednesday, even on MSNBC. I was even trapped in an elevator with someone who polled all of us which one we heard. It was a nightmare. I have too much anxiety for this.
You stayed up til 4am again. pic.twitter.com/6FoMhb4YbP
— juliet (@queerschtein) May 15, 2018
Cap’s arm is glued to a chair.
Hot take: This is a better version of the “You know you had to do it to ’em” meme. These are are all over the internet, with funny captions starting with “So,” like blaming Peter Quill for the ending of Infinity War. We were also blessed with this video of drunk Chris Evans. Feel free to excuse yourself from the rest of the day at work after watching it.
Someone is about to snap and kill.
I’m gonna say it: Pretty Little Liars is the reason why I have trust issues. I. Marlene King joins the likes of Shonda Rhimes and Ryan Murphy in my life ruiner club. I thought I was done with it all. The series finale did not do me any justice. But am I going to tune in to its spin off series? Damn right. We were graced with the first trailer for Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists. The cast includes Disney’s Sophia Carson and Hayley Erin, and of course, two Liars are back: Sasha Pieterse as Alison DiLaurentis and Janel Parrish as Mona Vanderwaal. Ten episodes were ordered for Freeform, and I am ready 👏 for 👏 you 👏.
— Kevin S. (@kevin) May 16, 2018
I scrolled through Insta for HOW long?
Instagram CEO Kevin Synstrom confirmed that a new update will show users exactly how much time they spend on the photo sharing platform. At first I was like, “Great, just a quantified number of how long I spend scrolling through dog pics,” but I really think this is a major move and other major social media platforms should follow suit. Cutting down on your social media time can help improve your mental health drastically, according to me and science, probably. Synstrom also tweeted, “Understanding how time online impacts people is important, and it’s the responsibility of all companies to be honest about this. We want to be part of the solution. I take that responsibility seriously.” Instagram, you’re doing amazing, sweetie (but give me my chronological order back).
One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.
Project Runway is making it work and returning to its original home on Bravo. The show aired on Lifetime since 2009, and the 17th season will walk the runway onto Bravo’s slate of original unscripted content. The switch comes on the heels of Bravo Media LLC and Lantern Entertainment LLC’s acquisition of The Weinstein Co., which includes Project Runway. I have nothing more to say about this.
Pizza for two, please.
I can’t believe they’re making a pizza rom com that isn’t based on my life. But they are, and it’s called Little Italy. IMDB’s description reads, “A young couple must navigate a blossoming romance, amidst a war between their families’ competing pizza restaurants.” This sounds like if I rewrote Romeo and Juliet. The movie is slated for release this year, and stars Emma Roberts and Hayden Christensen. Internet sleuths dug up that it has the same director as Mystic Pizza, which starred Emma Roberts’ aunt, Julia Roberts in 1988. It can’t get worse than A Christmas Prince, right?
Cardi B havin’ a week.
Cardi B deleted her Instagram account after her ongoing feud with Azealia Banks got really heated. TL;DR, Banks called her an “illiterate, untalented rat” and a “caricature of a black woman.” Omg. Cardi deleted her account after she responded in Instagram (see above). She also took to Twitter this week to defend her new controversial song collab with Rita Ora, Bebe Rexha, and Charlie XCX. “Girls” received a lot of backlash for trivializing bisexual and lesbian relationships. All of this is happening amidst a fan suing Cardi and her fiancee Offset, saying that he was “savagely assaulted” when he asked her for an autograph last week at the Met Gala. I hope Cardi she saw this video of Star Wars with her sound effects and feels better.
guys look at the movie rack at walmart! brett just sent me the photo. the promo for deadpool is unbelievable pic.twitter.com/eDSL05MLbg
— semi-stable centenarian 🖤🔪⭐️ (@rainbowslinky) May 15, 2018
The Merc with a Mouth takes over classic movies.
Holy marketing! To celebrate Deadpool 2‘s release, Wade Wilson is taking over the Walmart movie section with pictures of himself on the covers. Don’t worry—the original movies are inside! Ryan Reynolds has also been trolling the X-Men and Avengers fandoms, and I am here for it. The movie comes out this weekend and has a positive critic review—but why wouldn’t it with a kick-ass group of misfits, including Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s Terry Crews?
My students had to pick a Marvel character to embody within a resume and cover letter. The idea that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take lives within one particular student of mine. @RobertDowneyJr @prattprattpratt @vindiesel #iamwfisd #wfisdengineering @WFISD_CEC pic.twitter.com/7pddcxebsK
— Jeffrey Scott Davis M. Ed. (@ROBODAVISWFISD) May 8, 2018
I am Groot.
OK, I know. Don’t yell at me! I know this was fun last week, but since we’re best friends now and technically This Week in Trash wasn’t even a thing last week, I thought you wouldn’t mind if I included this. This teacher assigned his students to create a resume and cover letter and embrace a Marvel superhero, and got trolled. I am inspired. Maybe my next pitch for this website will be, “A Day in the Life of Groot.”
Until next time, my beautiful trash babies!