When she sets herself free, she will soar.
Marvel’s first female-led superhero film debuted in theaters this weekend and (unsurprisingly) dominated the box office. Not only is Captain Marvel the studio’s biggest Marvel debut ever, but it’s also the fifth-highest international release. And haaay, read our full review here!
Carol Danvers slays as much as her film’s impressive ticket performance, but it’s about more than just box office numbers. It’s about how many people saw the film for the first time and can relate (but maybe not to the part about fighting an elderly woman on the subway). It’s about how many young kids watched this movie and can look up to a hero who isn’t like the rest. It’s about the story of Carol Danvers going against anything anyone has ever told her and becoming the strongest hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. More than just a movie, Captain Marvel leaves its impression on pop culture.
As you can see, this is a big week for me and all of my trash feelings, so let’s head over to the garbage can and get to it.
Whatever it takes.
Marvel also released the second trailer for Avengers: Endgame, and this time we have two and a half minutes to dissect until the movie’s premiere on April 26. My emotions throughout it are just about as consistent as Natasha’s hair color throughout the MCU. While we’ve seen most of the footage before — mostly shown in black and white — the only color we see is red. HMM. Enter: All the think pieces about why Kevin Feige is messing with us in this way because nothing is a coincidence. There’s also a proper amount of dramatics on par with the last Harry Potter film, but that’s to be expected at this point. Word on the street is that the new footage shown is only from the first 15 minutes of the film, which means a lot happens very quickly, including Tony coming back to Earth and designing new suits for everyone, Clint getting a haircut, Ant-Man (maybe?) escaping the Quantum Realm, and a lot more. However, the most important part to me was the last scene. Captain Marvel joins the rest of the Avengers and has a staring contest with Thor until he declares, “I like this one.” I nerded out SO hard at both of my favorites interacting with each other.
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 13, 2019
The conclusion to #FenceGate2k19.
Our journey watching Colton’s journey to find love ended with the. most. dramatic. season. of. all. time. Just kidding! It was really just a bizarre few hours of Colton refusing to believe that everyone is just on this show to get #sponcon on Instagram. Here is the TL;DR version of how The Bachelor finale went down: Colton goes on an overnight date with Tayshia. Tayshia is so disappointed that they didn’t take their relationship to the next level. Colton declares he wants his first time to be with someone he is sure he is in love with. Colton has his date with Cassie. Colton is all in and is so ready for his overnight date with Cassie because he is in love with her. (Guess what his Fantasy Suite plans are?) Cassie doesn’t even have the option to forgo the Fantasy Suite option because she breaks up with him before they get the key. Colton doesn’t accept the breakup. The next day, Colton breaks up with Tayshia and Hannah G. (homegirl didn’t even have a chance at a date) and goes back to Cassie. Cassie is ~*horrified*~ that he broke up with everyone else for her. They both go to Spain to meet Colton’s family. They are skeptical, but Colton won’t have it. There is no engagement, but they are soooooo in love.
But here’s the thing: I actually feel really sad for him! He is so into her and Cassie is really bad at faking it. The way Colton and Cassie ended their relationship is just like when you pretend to be interested in someone at the bar for attention, but it turns out that it was an only-in-the-moment attraction with free drinks, and then you get stuck with “u up?” and “Netflix and chill?” text for at least six weeks. But it’s in real life on national TV! Chris Harrison said it all when he flat out asked Colton if maybe she just isn’t into him. Instead, Colton is such a lovesick puppy that he blamed himself. It would be nice to see them continue to date and start a life together, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if they broke up between six to 24 months from now. Sorry.
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) March 13, 2019
A toast to our new Bachelorette.
Get ready for a new season full of horrible toast jokes! Hannah BEAST is our new Bachelorette, and she started her journey for love the way all of us want to: Completely blindsided on national TV! I think ABC should have reconsidered the threepeat of changing the live finale set to resemble the Bachelor mansion and forcing the newly-proclaimed Bachelorette to start meeting some of the men, but I’ll sip my tea that way. America’s father Chris Harrison vowed to help Hannah through her journey and we are all counting on it because for a pageant girl, she can’t string a sentence together. Am I convinced she’s going to be a great Bachelorette? No. Do I think it’s going to be a great season? Also no. But will I be watching? Of course I will because what else am I supposed to do with my life? Roll Tide!
For the first time, ABC released all of the headshots of contestants that *may* appear on the show, but we only have names, ages, and a hometown. My biggest thought? Wow, fun new teal backgrounds!
Yas-ify your life!
If your coworker suspiciously called out sick today, it’s probably because the third season of Queer Eye is out on Netflix today. To celebrate, download this Chrome extension to change every “Yes” on your browser to a “Yas!” Queen, you deserve it. It’s almost as if the Fab 5 gave your computer a makeover. Yas is not just a word, it’s a lifestyle. Queen, you deserve it.
Gracias a todos – por todo. pic.twitter.com/YZuKPYA5MG
— One Day at a Time (@OneDayAtATime) March 15, 2019
Netflix cancelled its reboot of One Day at a Time yesterday because “simply not enough people watched to justify another season.” Yikes. The show does have a very large fanbase and the series focuses on representation on multiple levels. All of the show’s fans are furious and are calling Netflix’s bluff, saying that the streaming giant is willing to pick and choose where it’ll like to spend its money, such as renewing Insatiable for a second season (did anyone even watch this?) and bringing back Friends for a loooot of money. This is giving me flashbacks to when FOX cancelled Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but then NBC picked up the series for a few more seasons. Fans are hopeful that another streaming service or network will buy rights for the show, which would make a big fandom very happy.
Take me to Florida (On June 13)!
“First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils,” Dumbledore said during Harry Potter‘s first year at Hogwarts. WELL, NOT ANYMORE! Universal Orlando Resort expands its Wizarding World of Harry Potter yet again with Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure. The coolest takeaway about this is that us muggles will board an enchanted motorbike, but there will be a different experience depending on the motorbike or the sidecar. That means you have to ride it at least twice! Fans can also expect Hagrid to guide them through a magical creatures class with a coaster that will hit speeds up to 50 mph, featuring twists, turns, and rushes forward and backward. The attraction also features an actual forest with more than 1,200 live planted trees. And, of course, like the name suggests, we’ll meet magical creatures such as a Centaur, Cornish Pixies, Fluffy, and a never before seen creature ?!
Every ? body ? gets ? a ? streaming ? service ?!
Since we don’t have enough streaming services in the world, Apple would like to get in on the game. The company will hold an event on Monday at the Steve Jobs Theater in California. While the invite doesn’t say anything specific, our context clues (“It’s show time” on the event invitation and several news reports) can tell us that Apple will probably use the event to announce its new streaming services. There will reportedly be one for movies and TV shows and another one for news.
I’m moving away from everything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
But seriously… WHAT THE F*CK IS IN THERE?
Until next time, my beautiful trash babies! (And beware the Ides of March!)
Photo: Marvel Studios