This week was a lot. I laughed, I cried, and questioned all of my life choices—and that was only during Monday night’s premiere of The Bachelorette. To be fair, it got weirdly philosophical at points. But we’re getting through this together. Let’s get to it.
We started the damn thing.
Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by the phrase, “Let’s do the damn thing.” Just Becca Kufrin? And all of Bachelor nation? Got it. Becca returns to The Bachelor franchise as The Bachelorette‘s leading lady after her very public breakup with former Bachelor suitor Arie Luyendyk. Our Lord and Savior Chris Harrison confirmed that Becca is engaged and happy, so it looks like we’re in it for the long haul. Accept our night one rose in our Bach Breakdown!
This week in celeb dating.
I am SO OVERWHELMED with all of the dating rumors/confirmations this week that my black little heart almost smiled. Anything is possible now that Bachelor couple Ashley I. and Jared are dating. Let’s break it down:
- After official confirmation last week, Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande posted their first photos together on their Instagram accounts (which come on, is the only way to make it official these days). I just need to know how they met. The most important part about this is that in Davidson’s photo, they are both dressed in Harry Potter house robes, so I already love them.
- Nicki Minaj fooled us all when she responded to an Instagram commenter asking her whether she and Eminem are dating. She simply said, “Yes,” which caused the internet to go wild. Unfortunately, she was just having a little fun and the two rappers are not dating. They may collab on future work, which I am here for.
- Former JoBro Nick Jonas and Quantico star Priyanka Chopra are an official couple. All of the “sources close to the matter” say that they’re having fun and just enjoying each other’s company. You go guys!
- Emma Stone and Andrew Garfied were spotted getting dinner together this week, “looking cozy” and “looking very much like a couple.” I would love for them to be back together, but could you imagine if they were just getting dinner as really good friends? *sips tea that way*
YOU. ARE. A. TOY!
YOU AREN'T THE REAL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, YOU'RE AN ACTION FIGURE. YOU ARE A CHILD'S PLAYTHING! pic.twitter.com/1ttgVPqK2X
— Richard Lee-Sam (@RLeesam) June 1, 2018
We got a great LeBron meme.
The Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors are in the NBA Finals—and wow, we haven’t seen this match up since… the last three years. This photo of LeBron James from game one in distress after J.R. Smith didn’t pass the ball to him, who was standing right there, is my new favorite meme. It cost the Cavs their lead and I’ve captioned it maybe 340 times already.
People of all races, religions and nationalities work at Sanofi every day to improve the lives of people around the world. While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.
— Sanofi US (@SanofiUS) May 30, 2018
The most epic clapback of the week.
ICYMI, Roseanne Barr tweets awful sh*t. But in a new low for even her, she went on a rant and attacked Valerie Jarrett, a top former aide to President Obama. Her show got cancelled, she quit Twitter, and then she came back to half-ass an apology about her racist tweet. I say half assed because of course it wasn’t her fault, but she blamed her “poor judgement” on the sleeping pill, Ambien. Well, the maker of the drug responded to that and it totally won the internet this week. The tweet reads, “While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.” I hope whoever wrote this tweet got a raise, promotion, and is sipping on a tropical cocktail on an island somewhere at this exact moment.
We’re getting more Unbreakable.
Good news, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt fans! Netflix just dropped episodes of the show’s fourth season, and while we originally thought that was going to be it for our eternally-optimistic heroine, co-showrunner Robert Carlock confirmed that viewers can binge watch the second half of season four sometime next year. But, they won’t rule out a possible movie instead just yet.
Weezer goes to Africa.
A 14-year-old hero created Twitter account @weezerafrica to try to get her favorite band do cover the Toto song, “Africa,” and it eventually got so much momentum that it pretty much started a social media movement. The plea eventually got to Weezer frontman River Cuomo, and the rest is history. The best part about this is that the cover art features one of the tweets. Weezer had fun with this themselves, and first trolled everyone with a cover of a different Toto song, “Rosanna” on May 24. Incredible. No worries, by Tuesday Weezer indeed blessed the rains down in Africa. Do you think if I make a Twitter account asking for unlimited Cold Brews from Starbucks that it will happen?
Kim K advocates for prison reform.
Kim Kardashian West met with President Donald Trump last week to discuss sentencing and prison reform. She also met with other officials, including senior adviser Jared Kushner. According to Bloomberg, “She planned to raise the case of Alice Marie Johnson, a grandmother imprisoned for a first time drug offense, according to a statement from one of Johnson’s attorneys released in advance.” The state of our political climate is weird, right?
We get all of the Disney princesses—in one place!
Perhaps THIS is the most ambitious crossover event in history. In a sneak peek for an upcoming trailer of Wreck It Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks The Internet, we see Vanellope von Schweetz in a room with ALL of the Disney princesses for the first time ever. You may notice that some faves, including Mulan and Ariel, are missing from this photo, but you can be rest assured that all of them are in the final movie. And, all of the original voice actresses are returning for the film. I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying.
We got an adorable rap battle.
American Crime Story’s Darren Criss faced Stranger Things star Gaten Matarazzo in TBS’ Drop the Mic rap battle, and it was one of the most entertaining things you’ll watch this week. Matarazzo’s line, “I’m a nerd, but that’s the nerdiest sh*t I’ve ever heard,” is basically my aesthetic.
The latest Hamildrop.
May’s surprise Hamildrop (a series of new Hamilton-inspired content dropping every month this year) was The Regrettes’ cover of Helpless, and it’s one of my favorite covers of a song from the musical yet! If you don’t think I jumped and danced around my room singing this into my hairbrush-microphone, you’re wrong. Just listen for yourself!
Until next time, my beautiful trash babies!