It’s the second most wonderful time of the year! (The first is, of course, the entire duration of Bachelor in Paradise.) The holidays are approaching and I know (based on ABC’s ratings reports) that you’ve probably got at least one Bachelor lover on your list. Since I’m a giver, below is
my full Christmas list a full list of super fun, not-too-expensive gifts for every Bachelor Nation diehard you know. Sure, they aren’t Neil Lane rings, but they also aren’t eternal personal relationship ties to Arie Luyendyk Jr. either, so it all balances out. Without further ado, I present to you: The Most Dramatic Gift Guide Ever.
Wine Gift Sets | Bachelor Wines | $16.96-191.52 | Bachelor Wines
I mean, you knew there was going to be wine on this list. What’s Bachelor Monday without wine? The Bachelor wines are… well… they’re fine, but they’re also themed to famous Bachelor quips: The Final Rosé (Rosé, duh), The Fantasy Suite (Cab Sav), and One-on-One (Chardonnay). These babies are officially licensed, so they’re truly great for a Bachelor fan—the perfect thing for them to break out at their premiere night watch party. You can buy them individually; in the Collector’s Pack (one of each); a Six Pack (two of each); or a Party Pack (three of each). Would highly recommend the Party Pack for this season premiere, regardless of the size of your watch party. Drink every time someone brings up Tia!
Contestant Pray Candles | Rustbelt Cooperative | $15 | Etsy
Your Bachelor-loving friend can light one of these and pray to Our Lord and Savior Chris Harrison (OLASCH to those in the know) that Tia doesn’t show up on the upcoming season of The Bachelor. Or maybe that motherhood will keep Bekah M. out of everyone else’s business. Or maybe that Peter Kraus and I will finally have our meet cute. Or that Ben Higgins will finally find love worthy of him. Or that JoJo and Jordan will get their very own HGTV show. Or that Andi Dorfman will never stop writing tell-all books about being single. Or that…. *fades to black*
Bachelor Nation | Dutton Publishing | $16 | Amazon
This is truly one of my favorite books, and I want your Bachelor Nation-obsessed buddy to have it. Hell, I want everyone to have it. Amy Kaufman does an incredible job delving into all aspects of The Bachelor. You get behind-the-scenes scoops from producers and cast, interviews with famous people who love The Bachelor, psychological studies that try to figure it all out, and fun humor and good writing along the way. I read it a little while ago and still have not stopped talking about it. A must-have for those who just aren’t getting enough from US Weekly. (Note: I AM definitely getting enough emails from Us Weekly, though. Why do they send me like five newsletters a day?)
The Perfect Letter | Dey Street Books | $16 | Amazon
I read this whole novel cover to cover and I still put it on my gift picks for Bachelor Nation. If you want some real insight on how Chris Harrison believes both love and the publishing world work, get this book. It’s honestly basically just Sweet Home Alabama, but slightly different, so I know you’re going to love it. Also would not hate for this to turn into a Reese Witherspoon movie. Maybe a Netflix rom com? Santa, that’s my only wish this year.
A Donation to Colton’s Charity | The Colton Underwood Legacy Foundation | Any amount | coltonslegacy.org
Charitable donations are great holiday gifts for those who would appreciate spreading good cheer more than something material. Lucky for you, our very own soon-to-be Bachelor has a non-profit organization of his own to which you can donate in your friend’s name. The Colton Underwood Legacy Foundation provides resources for research and support of people living with Cystic Fibrosis. You can learn all about the good “former NFL player” and Bachelor Colton Underwood is doing at the official site here.
Peter Kraus Fitness Gear | Peter Kraus Fitness | $2.99-29.99 | PK Fit Online Store
Quick Q: If I buy enough PK Fit merch, will Peter Kraus marry me? A great gift for those of us who cry off our false eyelashes every time Perfect Angel Peter Kraus posts a picture of his dog, Daisy, on Instagram is some Peter Kraus Fitness gear. You can get T-shirts, bracelets, water bottles, and even a beanie that I need in my life. Even better, sign up for one of his on-the-road boot camps while you’re at it. Shop that store here.
Wine Glasses | Painted and Pressed | $18 | Etsy
I’m here for puns, and I’m here for hand-painted wine glasses. These cute glasses don’t have any sort of tacky design, but they do have good puns like: “Here for the Right Riesling” or “Will You Accept this Rosé?” (the latter of which is the name of the Bachelor Fantasy League I commission). These cute additions to your friend’s glassware collection will be fun to pull out during watch parties.
Corinne-Inspired Pillow | Oh, Susannah | $19.99 | Amazon
I mean, look at this pillow. Up until Jordan came on the scene, Corinne was maybe the most quotable Bachelor contestant of all time. My favorite thing about this gift is that it’s not a slap-in-your-face Bachelor Nation gift. This is insider baseball. You gotta get it. May your holidays be filled with naps, cheese pasta, and lemon salad, whatever those things may be.
Bachelor Coloring Book | Punderella | $6.81 | Etsy
Is your Bachelor-loving friend fretting over the potential of yet another incredibly boring season of The Bachelor? Stock them up on these coloring pages to get them through the hard times. Each page features a real Who’s Who of Bachelor Nation (OLASCH, Juan Pablo Galavis, Corinne Olympios) to color in, or fun activities such as a maze with challenges: “Arie just dumped Becca in a random condo. She then begs him to leave. Instead, he apologizes and announces he is going to leave, yet he keeps returning and apologizing further. And it just freaking goes on. Put Becca out of her misery and help him find the door!”
Bachelor Coaster Set | Eric’s Meme Factory | $4.25+ | Etsy
The only rings you want to come out of a Bachelor Monday are those in a Neil Lane box, so keep rings off your coffee table with these coasters boasting three commonly uttered Bachelor phrases. This coaster set is a subtle addition to your friend’s Bachelor treasure trove, making them socially acceptable to keep out on display at all times.