I was having some trouble coming up with a Halloween costume idea, and I was browsing some of these questionable ideas until I came across this tweet. )Side bar: Stormi Daniels? Anonymous op-ed? Whyyyyy?)
According to this tweet, my Halloween costume this year is “sexy what is my polling place address?” That is HOT. (Also, go vote on Nov. 6.)
On second thought, you know what’s better than dressing up in a costume for two weekends and being freezing cold at a bar? Doing what I normally do and wrapping myself in a blankie burrito, but with candy.
Also, just so you know, I found out the secret to life last year. It’s changed my personal outlook immensely, and since I care about you, I’ll share it with you: Don’t let anything phase you, so you feel no different when you (constantly) get disappointed.
Guess what? It works! Just ask queen Britney Spears:
BRB, I’m gonna go start writing a self help book now. In the meantime, let’s let to this wonderful week in trash.
Sending best witches.
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is finally now on Netflix!!! To initiate the new squad into the coven, the OG Sabrina the Teenage Witch cast wished their 2.0 versions best witches, and the video is adorable. And OMG Harvey has a beard.
— schwim (@DavidSchwimmer) October 24, 2018
Let’s call this “The One Where Ross Was in America.” Blackpool Police in the UK released a photo of a theft at a local restaurant, asking if anyone has seen the suspect. This thief looks a lot like David Schwimmer, AKA Ross from Friends, so of course the whole internet jumped on this to make a million jokes. It got better when Schwimmer himself created a video mimicking the photo for an alibi that he was in New York. Idk, I’m not convinced.
We might have an Avengers title, people!
Maybe the Avengers: Annihilation title is legit. People (me) are going crazy trying to figure out what the MCU phase-ending movie set for release next year will be called, and we only have hints and clues here and there. The Russo Brothers said the title was spoken in the films, but not in Infinity War. With some credible reports that Annihilation is the title, this screenshot from Avengers: Age of Ultron could make it more legit.
A message to the haters.
Put this quote on sky writing. On every pinned tweet. On a fourth billboard outside Ebbing, Missouri. Ezra Miller of the upcoming Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald slammed critics for the movie loud and clear, mainly referring to people who were angry that the relationship between Albus Dumbledore (Jude Law) and Gellert Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) wasn’t really developed. “Why don’t you wait until you see the film before you start talking s— on Twitter?” Miller told Total Film. “Or wait to make up your own mind about something for once in your life. Do your own research. Make up your own mind. Follow your heart, and really, really investigate situations before you identify yourself and pick a side, and start throwing things at the opposition. Because that’s what’s totally screwing everything up right now. And it polarizes us. We’re all human, and there’s a lot of things we can agree on.”
Someone tell Justin Bieber that a burrito is not a harmonica. pic.twitter.com/yIqnSjqWMA
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 26, 2018
This is not how you eat a burrito.
Wow, the spookiest thing to happen this Halloween season is the way Justin Bieber eats a burrito. Tweeters immediately got at his throat—rightfully so—about the haunting way he was tackling his burrito from the middle. What I would have liked to see instead is where he goes from here a few bites after. Where do you go from there? Does all the filling fall out? Hey, Biebs, what’s your end game here? This is a disgrace to humanity.
Send me ur dankest memes!!
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) October 25, 2018
Elon Musk, r u ok?
Elon Musk, the man behind Tesla, is slowly diving off the Twitter deep end. He requested people to send him their “dankest memes,” but specified, “Not monts tho.” OK. Then, he clarified “I said dankest not darkest omg.” No take backs!
Street witch hunt.
Please watch Billy Eichner and Tiffany Haddish on a quest on the streets of NYC looking for the third star of their Hocus Pocus remake, which will be more inclusive. Billy, a gay man, and Tiffany, a black woman, are looking to complete their trifecta. This had me in tears.
Until next time, my beautiful trash babies!